10 August 2012

Part of something that I have been working on :0)

As I stand at my mother’s graveside, my tears falling freely, holding my
grandmothers blue pendant tight in my hand. I wonder why she never
gave it to her. Why would my grandmother keep it for me? I knew
there was something more to this, I could feel it. Maybe James was
the missing piece in all of this. Now was not the time for me to be
 thinking about it. It had been two years since my mothers passing.
So many things were unfinished. What still gets me the most is, the
 pain of losing her has never really left, still digging and gnawing it’s
 way at my insides .I had come round to thinking that the feeling
would stay with me forever. I know what she would say, I can
hear her in my head.’ time to move on now love, don’t sit hear
 and weep for me’ I smile to myself, broken by the thought that I
wished it was her voice I could hear, and not that of someone else.
         I became aware of someone close to me. Before I had
the chance to turn an see who it was, a hand was placed gentle
on my shoulder, it was James 'Eleanor, are you ok?’  he was
 worried.I turned and fell in to his arms. Funny how you can
keep yourself completely composed until the only person you
cannot hide your feelings from is by your side. I knew he could
 feel my body shaking, he knew I was crying. He held me tighter
pulling me in as close and as tight, as was humanly safe to do so.
‘It’s ok Eleanor, I’m hear’ we stood hear for what seemed like hours,
 like stills in a photograph, silent. James was in no hurry to let go
 and I was in no fit state to go anywhere.

10 August 2011


His smile is a snarl.
His kiss is as sweet as wine.
Oh god, His smell.
Like roses picked for their sent
I'm overwhelmed by his choice of me.

To understand.

To be alone is not to feel alone.
To be in pain is not always to feel pain.
To try and be something you are not.
Is only to fool yourself.
To look is not always to see.
But to look and see is to understand.


The water is cold as I enter it.
Just as I imagine it to be.
It's like being surrounded by many icy hands.
Holding me, drawing me in.
In some ways, cradling me like a child.
I am not scared.
I do not feel alone anymore.
I belong........


Swallows her up in one empty breath.
Like entering a black hole.
No beginning, no ending.
Just nothing.
The reflection in the mirror.
Is not one of a person she once knew.
But of a stranger.
Of one she does not know, what will become.

Forgotten friend.

Thanks for every promise that you forgot to keep.
Why should I weep, when tears are so cheap.
Fairy tales all have to end.
Thanks for nothing my friend.

Thanks for all those caresses you forgot to give.
I won't forget that, for as long as I live.
Thanks my friend for forgetting to call
Thanks again for nothing at all.

Thanks for the attention you forgot to give.
Thanks for the time you forgot to spend with me.
Thanks for never being sincere.
Thanks again for nothing my dear.

Once in a lifetime

Once in a lifetime,you find someone,
Who not only touches your heart
But also your sole.

Once in a lifetime
You discover who stands beside you, not over you.
Who loves you for who you are, and not for who you could be.

Once in a  life time, If you are lucky
You'll find someone, as I have found you.